Buried in the Stars by Gretchen Tubbs

Author:Gretchen Tubbs [Tubbs, Gretchen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gretchen Tubbs
Published: 2016-06-04T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fourteen

After.

I used to refer to time as before and after in regards to the death of my father. Now I think of my life as the time I spent with Sutton and the time after he wrecked me. I suppose I was already on the path to ruin with everything else I’d endured, but the blow he dealt with the news of his impending fatherhood changed me.

I was so stupid and naïve to believe all of his lies and promises and talks of love. Even though my childhood was shit, I held out hope that there was still goodness in the world, and that Sutton Winters was part of that goodness. Despite all of the vile things that my mother put me through, I never imagined that he could hurt me like her.

I was right.

What he did was so much worse.

Shortly after Sutton broke my heart and went back to California, my mother- newly sober and a born again Christian- came back home. Mrs. Vera was adamant about me remaining at her house for the duration of high school, but I couldn’t imagine living there with reminders of her son everywhere. Just hearing his name was enough to send me over the edge. It was bad enough that my best friend was his brother. Every time I looked at Easton I wanted to die. His smile, his hair, his body, they were all harsh reminders of what I’d lost. I left the Winters’ house as soon as Mom got her walking papers, and I tried my best to avoid going back. My mother attempted to repair our relationship, using every quote from the Bible she could throw at me to gain my forgiveness, but I was done. I stayed locked away in my room and barely managed to graduate from high school.

Emily stuck with our original plan and went to California. Despite the fact that she was in my corner and pissed at her cousin for what he did to me, she wasn’t stupid enough to turn down a scholarship to UCLA. I lost my funding, but managed to secure some grants to a small college a few hours from home. Evidently the federal government likes to throw money at kids that have one dead parent and another who is a convicted felon.

Junior year is just starting and I’m still floundering, completely unsure of what I want to do with my life. Bartending is a nice distraction, but I can’t imagine doing this forever. I’m simply going through the motions… eating, breathing, sleeping, going to class, working.

I’m not living.

Easton slides onto a bar stool and hits me with a smile that still makes me ache. Time should have taken care of this feeling by now, but it hasn’t. I can’t look at him without seeing his older brother.

“You almost ready?”

“I just need to cash out. You want a beer while you wait?”

“Nah,” he says, looking around.

I finish wiping down the bar and close out the last of the tabs.

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